Removing Accusation From Your Marriage

By Barry and Lori Byrne. www.loveaftermarriage.org

I awoke this morning with the words to an old song going through my head "When a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong. Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down"

True godly love removes accusation from a marriage relationship. Love always seeks to build up and to support. Love will comfort for the purpose of bringing about godly change, but it will never just sit back and accuse. Satan is the one who always brings shame, blame and accusation.

Satan is the one who always brings shame, blame and accusation.

Sometimes he uses our mouths to do his work of accusing. For example, we're being used to do the Accuser's work when we say things like: "You never think of me; you're always thinking of yourself." "You're never going to change!" "Can't you do anything right?" "What's the matter with you?" "What have you been doing all day?" "You're so stupid!" "What in the world are you thinking?" Often the accusation is a much in the tone as the words. Accusation is often used as a way of controlling another person. Critical, accusing words steal away our confidence and leave us feeling worthless and dependent. Once we have accepted the shame of accusation, we no longer feel free or confident to enter into relationship with God or with people. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin only for the purpose of restoration; He never accuses us to bring shame or condemnation.

You have probably experienced what it is like to love someone so much that almost anything they do doesn't bother you, and when they do something wrong you just want to help them make things right. That is what the love of God is like, not only for marriages but for every relationship. The love of God never enjoys seeing another person torn down by angry, accusing words. The love of God never enjoys seeing another person in pain. Even though most of us begin our marriages hoping for this kind of love, we can get to a place where the love of God is replaced with bitterness, anger, resentment, insecurity and other spiritual attitudes that lead us to accuse the one we vowed to love. Our accusation results in tearing down our spouse rather than seeing our spouse through God's love which builds up.

When we make a vow to marry our spouse and forsake all others, we give our spouse great power to affect us. When we marry and live together, we choose to share everything about our lives so that everything we do affects our spouse - how we handle finances, conflict, parenting, our faith. Every significant area of our life now affects our spouse. We are given a position of great power to influence and bring love and joy and fullfillment or pain, sorrow and regret.

In order to see our spouse through God's eyes, we must keep out accusation. Every wrong must be forgiven and reconciled. We must humble ourselves and be quick to admit when we have wronged our spouse. Sometimes we hurt our spouse even when we are trying to do our best. It is just as important to reconcile hurts that have been inflicted unintentionally. It usually hurts us to know that we have done something, even unintentionally, to hurt our spouse. When I realize that I have done something that has hurt my wife, it is painful for me to own up to it, but it is so important for her to know that it matters to me when I hurt her, even unintentionally. When my wife is convinced that I care about her and that I would never choose to bring her unnecessary pain, it is much harder for the Enemy to bring false accusation to her about me. When I dedicate myself to loving and treasuring my wife, it is much harder for the Enemy to accuse my wife to me.

When my wife is convinced that I care about her and that I would never choose to bring her unnecessary pain, it is much harder for the Enemy to bring false accusation to her about me. When I dedicate myself to loving and treasuring my wife, it is much harder for the Enemy to accuse my wife to me.

If we are going to see our spouse through God's eyes and love with His love, we must learn to recognize the work of the accuser when he comes to falsely accuse and divide. We must learn to stand with our spouse against the work of sin and darkness coming against us rather than joining with the enemy in accusation and criticism.

This is an article from the Love After Marriage course taught by Barry and Lori Byrne. See their website for more details: www.loveaftermarriage.org

My (Joel) thoughts:

1. Satan is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44) He wants to divide your marriage - don't let him!
2. Confess your sins to each other and you will be healed.(James 5:16) Satan wants you to bury your sinful actions and thoughts and keep them from your spouse in order to divide you and keep you in shame. Don't let him! He's a liar. Jesus wants complete healing in your lives and especially in your marriage.
3. Love covers a multitude of sins.(1 Peter 4:8) Remember that your spouse DOES love you, and when you feel that dispair or disconnect, remember to CALL on Jesus and he will show you that through your unconditional love for your wife/spouse you can break the lie that you are disconnected! Just call on his name, and he will answer.